Confrontation

Having never previously travelled outside of my home country, my experiences as a foreigner are limited to my time here in Ghana. I have nothing else to compare Ghana to, so for all intents and purposes my opinions are quite biased. I’m OK with that. It is what it is.

Confrontation. Hm. I consider myself a fairly confrontational person, but not confrontational in the sense that I go looking for a fight. I use the word confrontational in the sense that I confront people that need to be confronted. I’m not passive, nor am I passive-aggressive. If someone is doing something that bothers me enough to warrant a response, a response from me is just what they will get. Just because I’m choosing to defend myself and not sit there like a punk taking some nonsense I surely would not put up with in NY does not mean that I’m angry either. [Enter "bitchy black chick" stereotypes. Whatever. Say what you will about black Americans, but rarely do you hear of us NOT standing up for what we believe in. At least we don't get walked all over like some other people. More often than not, people are afraid of how black people will respond to potentially confrontational situations so they do everything they can to avoid it. Mission accomplished?]

I stand up for myself in the manner that I feel is appropriate at that time and then I move on with my life. I don’t stay angry for the rest of the day or harp on that one incident. I also don’t allow isolated negative experiences to ruin my entire stay here or lead to overarching stereotypes about Ghana. Some situations require a firm response, not some submissive reply that further perpetuates the foreigner-native dynamic when in reality it should be a person-person dynamic. No one should be taking advantage of anyone, but this is not a perfect world and you can’t avoid someone trying you.

Clearly not everyone’s confrontation meter reads the same and of course it takes a lot more to piss some people off than others. My mother always raised us to stand up for ourselves and NEVER let someone disrespect you. Your pride and dignity are two things that should always be held dear, kept in constant consideration and never ever compromised. I understand that some people would rather “just let it go” to avoid what they consider unnecessary drama -- to make one thing clear, I don’t like drama. I like feeling like I’m being treated fairly. Being an obvious foreigner does not always get you fair treatment. I’ve learned to always second guess things here because 1) everyone assumes that Americans have a lot of money and 2) some people will try to exploit your foreignness for their personal gain.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard friends of mine in the program complain about RIDICULOUS overpricing. One kid told us he was charged 15 cedis for a can of soda. Another friend of mine gets charged for extra rice that she doesn’t order at Ashesi sometimes. I won’t even get into the Obruni Menus we get at restaurants with different food and prices. What about taxi drivers who almost always double or triple the actual fare? Bargaining and negotiating are a part of Ghanaian culture and some people like it more than others. I guess it gives them a kind of control. I wouldn’t be so adverse to this practice if I didn’t experience things with Ghanaians and see how differently they got treated. I take taxi rides with a lady from work sometimes and the most the driver will go over is 2 cedis. With me, it’s almost always double what I should be paying. C’mon now. I understand that you need to make your money, but as soon as I tell you the real price and that I travel to this destination like 4 times a week, why can’t you just realize that I clearly know where I am going and stop trying to cheat me? It’s so unnecessary. I know some people would rather just pay the extra money and move on, but to me it’s not about the money. It’s about being cheated and taken advantage of which really has no price tag. I have the money. In fact, I have they money about 10 or 20 times over in my pocket right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give it to you. I’m tired of these stupid taxi arguments we get in with jerks who try to get over. I know where I’m going. I’ve lived here for 3 months, in fact I can show you the fastest way to get there. Why are you still insisting that it costs 4 cedi to get to Osu?

You have to know where to draw the line though because it’s not always in your best interest to stand up to some douche bag. Case in point: Saturday night at Champs Sports Bar. I went out with 3 friends, 2 females and one male. Champs is a karaoke/restaurant/bar/pool place that a lot of foreigners go to. It’s overpriced and kind of corny, but what can you do? So after being there for a few hours, it was getting kind of crowded. We were having fun. The karaoke was at an all time high. People were drunk and ridiculous. No harm there. One of the girls got up to use the bathroom, while she was gone a man who had been standing near by for a while stole her chair AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT SHE WAS SITTING THERE AND WOULD BE RIGHT BACK. That was strike one. I asked him what he was doing and he kind of crossed his harms and looked away ignoring me? Umm…

Then his sweaty and equally unattractive friend was all up in my other friend’s face, having the audacity to put his pissy hands on her. Strike two. In an effort to "just let it go” and enjoy the rest of the night, my table kind of tried to ignore Thing 1 and Thing 2, but they just couldn’t let it go. They kept looking back at us talking and trying to feel up my friend. Strike three. We decided to just get up and move before the incident elevated because I (the confrontational one) went with my gut instinct which was telling me that if we did properly defend ourselves in that situation no one in the bar would back us up. None of the Ghanaian staff. None of the foreign men that were there. No one. The guy we were with tried to diffuse the situation a little, but Champs is one of his favorite spots and he just couldn’t risk not going back there again for the rest of the semester over a little sexual harassment. Douche baggery occurs all over the world. This phenomenon is not unique to Ghana. But the fact is, I’ve never felt more powerless and frustrated while I was here than I did that night. We should have been able to tell those guys off and keep them from putting their hands all over my friend. Should is the operative word in that sentence.

These men know the power that they have and they take advantage of it. I’ll be damned if I’m going to just allow someone to walk all over me. You might be able to set your pride aside and let someone take advantage of you, but I can’t. Good luck with that.

People are well aware of the foreigner factor that comes into play here. 

Because you’re not Ghanaian, you have to be nice to all Ghanaians regardless of how they treat you [enter “it’s nice to be nice” mantra]. 

If you ever have the audacity to criticize any part of Ghanaian culture, you’re a racist and you hate Africa. 

Foreign women, especially white women only come to Africa to have sex with African men so it’s perfectly fine to sexual assault them in public places. I mean, you’re in Africa. Why else would you be here? 

If you’re studying abroad and your experience isn’t brochure worthy, you’re doing it wrong. Everyone needs to be having a great time. There’s only one way to experience something. Get it right. 

I am so sick and tired of getting treated like this. What makes it worse is the people in the program who 1) criticize you as if you would rather be having a horrible time or 2) know that things like this go down, but would rather shut up and take it. Number 1 and 2 aren’t really my style. Excuse me, I Love Ghana People, no one is all over your case for having a really good time here. In fact, I’m happy that you are having a good time. I respect that maybe you just haven’t encountered the same negative experiences that others have. I get that. It’s fine. But why do you have to demonize the group of students that are critical of the experience here? Just put back on your rose colored glasses and ride out this last month. And excuse me, Too Scared To Stand Up For Yourself People, your inability to tell people off makes it hard on those of us who aren't because you make it seem like it's OK to overprice people for taxi rides or feel girls up at Champs. 

Negative incidents do not necessarily translate to having a negative experience overall. All it means is that you are honest enough with yourself to acknowledge when things aren’t perfect. Allow me to reiterate: You’re doing yourself and Ghana a serious disservice by ignoring the negative and hyping up the positive. It’s condescending and disrespectful. What are you afraid of?

I’m done with the little Twi lessons at the end of my posts. I almost never speak it anyway so… yeah. No more of that.

It's Nice To Be Nice

Today was an interesting day to say that least; certainly not uneventful. So, a group of my friends and I decided to take a trip into Osu and have lunch at a restaurant called Papaye. Papaye is fast food Ghanaian style. Grilled/fried chicken or fish with chips or fried rice or some variation of that.

We’ve been at least a dozen times since we came to Ghana. They have this garlic type of sauce/gravy that they put on their chicken that I am at least moderately addicted to. Good eats. [Background info: out of the 12 or so times we’ve frequented Papaye, at least 6 of those times we’ve been waited on by this particular woman who shall remain nameless and not because I’m trying to be discrete, but because she never actually introduced herself to us. I guess they don’t do that here] This woman is always stank to us. Always shushing us. Always has an ice grill on her face. Just stank. All the time. We’ll call her… Stanky McNasty. So Stanky waited on us today :-/ and thought she was slick mentally taking the orders for all 6 of us without writing it down. I knew there would be a problem. I called it. I said, and I quote, “Now watch she mess up our order.” Needless to say, she messed up our order. After having to call her attention to no less than three mistakes she’d made, she made the ultimate mistake of getting into an argument with Faye. SMH. You probably don’t know Faye so you probably don’t understand the extent to which this was a very bad idea. Stanky never brings Faye’s food out and meanwhile all of us are done with our meals. So Faye asks for the food in a takeaway box and Stanky tries to charge her for the box! Naturally, Faye had to tell her about herself and got the food in a different container, not before Stanky and her stank Papaye co-workers grilled us all the way out of the restaurant. Clearly, we can never go back there again. I mean, the problem mostly was in principle. Stanky didn’t even TRY to look like she cared that our orders were incomplete or that Faye never got her food. We’re used to customer service and satisfaction in the US. Normally in restaurants, people care whether you’re having a good time or not. I speculated that this may have something to do with gratuity since that’s a foreign concept here. They may not feel that they have to put that little “extra” in extraordinary service

[ The movie Waiting? Anyone get it? ]

[ No? Ok ] 

because they’re getting the same paycheck either way.

So we left Papaye and started walking down Oxford Street. If you’re not in the mood, Oxford Street is not always a good place to be. Vendors, hustlers, and eligible bachelors scope out Oxford Street and pounce on vulnerable looking prey. Some of the guys are cool and don’t really bother you. Others… not so much. We have acquired a kind of Osu survival formula that includes walking quickly, not making much eye contact, keeping outside conversations to a minimum and avoiding Black Africa. [Black Africa is another post entirely. Details will come later]

So some random guy comes up to me trying to sell paintings or something. As usual, I kindly just say, “No thank you.” And go on about my business. He insisted on trying to sell me these paintings and when I kept repeating “No thank you” he busts out with “Oooh! It is nice to be nice. Eh?” It’s nice to be nice. Hmm. If I had a shiny nickel for every time a Ghanaian shouted that at me. I proceeded to discuss this “nice to be nice” concept with him. I tried to get him to understand that you can’t measure niceness on a scale depending on someone’s willingness to buy things from you or entertain your nonsense. I’m almost certain they use that phrase to make foreigners feel guilty. It’s nice to be nice? It’s nice to be able to walk down the street and not be grabbed and shouted at. He understood where I was coming from, but still wanted me to buy his painting. Sigh. I told him that I know where he sells things. I know the things that he sells. If ever I wanted to buy one of those things I would find him and buy them. But this was not one of those times. You following me for 3 blocks is not going to suddenly make your product more desirable than it was 10 minutes ago. Also you hissing at me or making that GOD AWFUL sucking noise will also not earn you my patronage or my respect. It’s rude and annoying.

A few blocks down the street I go see Robert. Robert sells bootleg DVDs outside of Koala market. This sounds like he would be a creeper, but he’s not. Robert is a good guy and after a good amount of haggling usually lets me get DVDs for a fair price. I’ve returned a copy of Slumdog Millionare twice and am going back tomorrow for yet another copy because all of the previous ones don’t work properly. While this would usually be an issue, Robert is extremely cool about the whole thing. He just lets me exchange the DVDs no questions asked. Big ups to Robert.

So I leave Osu and return a few hours later to check out a hair salon a friend of mine tried and said was pretty good. Just walking into Lajen (I think that’s the name) I could tell it was going to be a good experience. People smiled and were friendly. I sat down and I was given magazines while I waited! The owner was there. Let me tell you about this lady. Picture… Oprah if she was Ghanaian.

She was such a boss. We’ll call her… Boss Lady. Boss Lady had this real nice wig on, a really cute, but kinda bougie outfit with her boobs hanging out JUST enough to still be classy. The whole time I was there she was busying herself around the shop looking at each chair and nail station checking on the progress and things like that. At one point she even threw on a smock and helped one girl sew in a few tracks. I love it. A black owned and operated establishment with an all black staff. It was such a nice place and it was so efficiently run. It could definitely compete with any American hair salon. They had drinks for sale for the clients and two televisions for people to watch. The woman who did my hair was great. The entire staff was very attentive. Boss Lady was really nice to me. I’m definitely going back.

Little experiences like Boss Lady’s hair shop and people like Robert keep me from wanting to make sweeping statements about Ghana. It’s nice when people are nice just for the sake of being nice. 

yebehyia (yeh-beh-shia) = see you soon